Greetings from the Gulf

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Mike is being like Mike, and then some; and then some other stuff

By John Morton

For starters, let’s talk some Roe vs. Wade.
Ha! That was to get my publisher’s blood pumping. No, I would never do that. I’m more about talking politics. Oh, and I’ll save the religion talk for next month.
Maybe this is why you aren’t inviting me to your Thanksgiving dinner table?
Anyway, regardless of what you think of local county commission candidate Mike Cosentino, you’ve got to admit it looks like he’s having fun on the campaign trail.
This is the guy who noted he had a “wiener” when asked about abortion at a Tiger Bay Club candidates forum. And he was cheered!
I guess that’s how it rolls when you drive around town in a converted camper known as the I Like Mike Mobile. He even has a tail-and-tongue-wagging pooch named Remus hanging out his window. Pretty darn boss.

Better yet, he used his cruiser in a classic staged Facebook video where he pulls up on the sidewalk of a house sporting a Hagen Brody sign in the yard. That’s one of Cosentino’s opponents.
He knocks on the door, speaks to the homeowner who nods in agreement, and the homeowner subsequently replaces his sign with one supporting Cosentino.
It’s all done to the Mission Impossible theme. The video even features the show’s slick production tricks.
What, did Cosentino hire Steven Spielberg? It’s that good.
(By the way, no, this column will not self-destruct in five seconds. Some will say it already did. Enjoy your chuckle.)
Oh, and Cosentino also dons a Captain America suit from time to time. Well, he does raise and lower the flag at Patriot’s Pier every day. He’s earned it.

“People just love it,” Cosentino said of his antics. “It makes them smile, which makes us smile. Nothing goes better with hard work than a smile.”
Which brings me to this …
Thanks go out to the superheroes with the Island League. Sort of like our version of the Justice League, assuming you think things here are unjust … JUST sayin’.
OK, that was a groaner.
But it is the new moniker for the collaborative efforts of these groups: Save Siesta Key, the Siesta Key Association, the Siesta Key Coalition, and the Siesta Key Condominium Council.
Do you know how sick and tired I am of typing out those names? Fifteen words just went down to two. I’m beyond appreciative. And that’s no Joker.
And speaking of costumes, time to brainstorm on different get-ups for the different groups. I’m open to any suggestions, as long as the end result sees condo chief Frank Jurenka in a cape and in tights.
And speaking of justice, how are we going to enforce what I project will be another go at a cigarette smoking ban on Siesta Key?
Quick backstory — there’s a snapshot of me somewhere in the family pile of pics from the early ‘90s that shows me confronting two middle-age Jersey gals after tossing their butts in the Siesta surf. Yes, I’m that vigilant.
The county commission will likely bring up this topic, now that the state Legislature has reversed its thinking and such a ban can be reinstated at the local level. We had a ban here from 2007 to 2013.
When you see a smoker, waving down the beach cops is no answer. Nor is offering NicoDerm.
Here’s my idea: I create a Facebook page, entitled something like “Siesta Smokers,” that is open to the public to post pics of violators. No confrontations, but rather public humiliation. Isn’t that the ultimate enforcer these days?
Not bad, eh?
One new Florida law that is indeed on the books is one that prohibits music that’s too loud to be cranked out of cars.
In 1979 I would have fought this and introduced Tom Petty’s Damn the Torpedoes as Exhibit 1.
Now, in 2022, I not only support the law but I point to the same evidence.
If you are 50 or above, feel free to pump your fist and grin.
And speaking again of campaign videos …
Mr. Cosentino, I need to let you know that only one man has outdone you. Hit YouTube for Alice Cooper’s “Elected” video.
And then watch Cosentino get his hands on a chimp to share his ride. I wouldn’t put it past him!
And that’s not my way of saying he’s bananas. He’s just having fun.

(John Morton is managing editor of Siesta Sand.)

John Morton
Author: John Morton

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